Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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