apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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