No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
