I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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