i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Duck Duck Cougar?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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