Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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