totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
