Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
