i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You dont lie about slip and slides
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
