i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I still have a little drunk in my system
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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