In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
