dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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