Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
