I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
