I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
