You kept calling me your small dog last night.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
