Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
