So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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