Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
