six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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