Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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