Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm gonna have a badass scar
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
