went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
