That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
