Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
