pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
