Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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