I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
