We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
