I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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