I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I puked a lego.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
