that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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