Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
