I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
