Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Terrible idea I love it
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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