omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
