Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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