ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I smell stomach acid.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
