He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
