don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
