At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
