Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
