I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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