That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
