I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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