so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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