Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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