Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
