I wanna bring you to show and tell
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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