That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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