im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
